Hello, I love you.

How do I explain that every single moment
that I think about you, about us,
is the best thought i've ever had.
We are so perfect, together. 

How do I explain that I want forever.
forever with you, more than anything.
And that I don't mean until we die,
I'm talking about after that too.
Whatever, wherever, whenever. 

How to I explain that when I'm silent,
Its because I'm filled with so much feeling.
So much that my throat closes, and I'm speechless. 
I can't do anything but look at you. 

It's blinking.

and I'm just sitting here.

thinking, about nothing.

blink.

and the raindrops are racing.

down, down the window.

blink. 

and I start to cry.

my lip quivers.

blink.

and the car is tinted yellow.

then it's dark again.

blink.

and I close my eyes.

pretending to disappear.

blink.

and the wind howls.

louder, and softer.

blink.

and I can't breathe.

my chest is so tight.

blink.

and horns are honking.

as they rush past.

blink.

and my mind whispers.

proceed with caution.

I want to feel again.

Icy cold, flowing through veins
piercing like needles, I shake.
It's pulsing, faster, faster.
painful with every breath I take.

Can't think, can't move
limbs locked in place.
I can't control this
panic written on my face. 

I'm scared, terrified.
all I want to do is cry.
though nobody can help me,
I wish that they would try. 

What If.

What if i don't believe everything that everyone tells me?
What if i want to make my own rules?

They keep telling me that I should believe, that i'll be alone, and not exist when I die. That I can't believe one thing If I don't believe in the other.
You know what I say? That's just stupid.

You want to know what I believe? I believe in God. Not A God, but many. Each person has their own personal God. This God to them, they create and see as they wish. I believe that what a person believes is true. If someone prays to their personal God, they believe that it will help. And in turn, it does. Because they believe it will, and make it happen themselves. If they believe that they will fail, they will. I believe that If someone believes in Heaven and Hell, they exist. If someone believes that there is nothing, no God, no Heaven and no Hell, then there isn't. I believe that not everything has to have a reason. Maybe, just maybe it just is. Why do we have to question it? We are. It is that simple.

Maybe people judge me because I don't believe as they do. What good does that do? Are you going to change my opinion? No. Are you possibly going to shun me, tell me I am evil or something stupid? Probably. Will it hurt me? Maybe.

I'm a silly human. I don't understand everything, I don't know everything. But I do know that even though I might not believe in God like my society does, I'm still a good person. I help people everyday, I love people everyday. I give without taking in return.

What if I want to exist in Heaven with all the people I love, when I finally die?
What if I believe in something different. Will it still happen? 

Ello, loves.
Summer is good to me, so is he.
Life is awesome. :) 

I'm sorry If these are duplicates. They have a new way of uploading photos, and it really sucks.. 

If you want to know me..

1. What color is your cell phone?
 No single color, an ed hardy cover.

2. Song that describes your life at the moment?
To you I will always return, by Bryan Adams. I guess it doesn't necessarily describe ME, but it works.

3. Favorite thing to do when you're alone?
Read on my porch, rollerblade, art.

4. Describe your personality.
I'm me. Calm and relaxed, with a crazy streak. Adventurous, caring, exciting.

5. Anything you'd like to change? If so, what?
I want to know exactly what I want.

6. Who's the easiest person to talk to?
My best friend.

7. Do you believe that you if you truly love someone, you always will?
No. Things change, even feelings.

8. Have you ever thought you loved someone, but didn't?
Yep.

9. What's your reason for breathing?
Is there a reason not to? Life is amazing.

10. Favorite TV show?
Glee.

11. Worst mistake?
Leaving someone I loved.

12. What's the most annoying thing someone could possibly do?
Think they are always right.

12. Has anyone ever talked about you behind your back?
All the time, but whatever, it happens. 

13. How about right in front of you?
Yep. It doesn't bother me. 

14. How old were you when you lost your viginity?
Still a virgin, and happy about it.

15. Did you ball your eyes out in the movie Click?
Nope. I don't cry often.

14. Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?
I'm not sure. I have a man right now I'm falling for, but you never know.

15. Do you like mainstream music?
Mhm, guilty.

16. Is there anything that hurts worse than unrequited love?
Yes. 

17. Do you like reading lyrics and quotes?
Love it. :)

18. What kind of world are we living in?
An amazing one. Yes, it has problems, but nothing is perfect.

19. What do you consider 'fun'?
Something exciting and adventurous, or just anything that makes me smile.

20. Put it a lyric that gets you every time.
I'm not sure of one.

21. How many people told you they were in love with you?
Nobody.

22. Best relationship you ever had?
The one I am in.

23. Are you outgoing, shy, or in the middle?
Depends. Usually shy.. though I can be very outgoing at times.

24. Why do boys promise girls forever?
Why do we feel good when we see someone smile?

25. Do you think they mean half the things they say?
Yes. Maybe just in that moment, but they do. Unless you are dating a loser.

26. What's the stupidest show on TV?
Anything on MTV. the hills.. yeah. barf.

27. Is life treating you good?
It is amazing. :)

28. What do you do when trying to hide your pain?
I retreat into a shell, and put on a fake face. Or I bite my lip.

29. Do you put on a fake act to make people like you?
Nope. If I need them to, maybe. But no.

30. Do you laugh at the people that do?
Nope. It's their choice.

31. Would you ever cheat on someone you loved?
Hell no. 

32. What's the hardest thing you've had to experience?
Leaving someone I was in love with.

33. Name a bitch.
Don't know one.

34. Do you think Penn Badgley's hot?
Who?

35. If you had to choose between alcohol and weed, what do you choose?
Alcohol. 

36. Are you silly?
Shure.

37. Do you like your parents?
I love them. Sure they have their faults, but whatever. 

38. Has something anyone's ever said to you made you cry?
"I just can't love someone after her"

39. What is the most sickening thing ever?
Men who treat their women badly.

40. What are you going to do after this?
Finish writing a letter to someone.

41. Do people think you look like either of your parents? Does that offend you?
Yes, and no. It's genetics. 

42.What is your nationality/heritage? Does it fit you?
I am what I am, of course it fits me.

43. Do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? 
Regular. How can turkey bacon be considered bacon? Thats stupid.

44. Are you more of a talker or a listener?
Listener.

45. Do you interrupt when people talk?
I try not to, but yes, sometimes.

46.Do you think its weird when people talk to their pets like people?
Nope, I do it all the time.

47.Where do most of your relatives live? 
Earth.

48. Is your weight proportionate to your height? 
Uh, sure.

49. What is the last place, other than home, that you stayed overnight? 

My friend's house.

50. What was the manufacturer of the last vehicle you were in? 

I have no idea.


51. Would you ever buy a motorcycle? 

YES. want one SOOO bad.

52. What is the most unusual thing in your reach right now?
Uh.. probably myself. Just sayin'

53. Are you sitting by a window right now?
Yep.

54. Does your door have to be closed in order for you to sleep?
Yep.

55. Do you have anything other than posters or pictures on your walls?
Records, concert tickets, shelves, a speed limit sign, a branch of a tree, my art.

56. What is the furthest you have traveled alone? 
Ha. Not really anywhere.

57. Have you ever ridden a train?
Yessir.

58. Have you ever done something you told yourself you'd never do?
All the time.

59. Have you ever traveled to another country? 

Mhm. And I'm going to Switzerland in 12 days. :)

60. Are you tattooed? Or does it freak you out?
No, but I want to be.

61. Are you pierced? If so, where?
Yep. Ears and cartilage, but want my nose.

62. Are attracted to or put off by people who are heavily pierced or tattooed? 
Nope. I'm not a fan of too much, but a little.. it's really sexy. :)

63. Have you done anything productive today, anyway?
Mhm. I got a haircut and went rollerblading. I call that productive.

64. Eaten anything delicious today?
Nope. I've only had a few bites of a very bad apple and spoons of peanut butter.

65. Do you have any pets? If so, what species/breed? How did you acquire said pets?
I have 4 cats, a bird, and some fishies. I gotz them from who knows where.

66. Have you ever taken in a stray animal? 

Yes, nursed it back to heath and had it adopted.

67. Do you have or want children? 

Nope. I'm not a fan.

68. How do you feel about marriage? Ever been close?
I feel that as long as you are content where you are with the one you love, nothing else matters. It's just a ring and a piece of paper.

69. Are you confident in your appearance? 
Eh, I guess. Sometimes I feel ugly, but those who matter do not care.

70. Do you enjoying taking pictures? 

Looove it.

71. Do you take pictures of THINGS, or are you just a camera whore? xD 
Um, things. Not myself.

72. Do you have a significant other? If so, what's your favorite thing about this person? How long have you been involved with them? DO you think they are "the one"?
I have a boyfriend, my favorite thing is everything, It's been two months, and It is way to early to know. 

73. ...Do you believe in "the one" or "soulmates"? 
Nope.

74. Have you ever dated someoneone simply for their looks? 
Hell no.

75. What about dating someone simply because you felt too bad to say no?
Nope.

76. ..Are you eating anything right now?
I wish, my stomach is going to implode.

77. Does it drive you INSANE when people chew with their mouth open?
No. My brother had a problem with his nasal passage when he was younger, he couldn't breathe if he had his mouth shut. So I am used to it. Though It does gross me out.

78. Does any food always make you sick but you love it too much to not eat it?  
Nope.

79. How do you feel about alcohol? 
It is whatever.

80. Have you ever been drunk? 

Nah.

81.Do you like orange juice with pulp?
Yep.

82. Or... do you prefer not chewing your juice? xD That's how I feel. 
I do like pulpless too.

83. Do you scream for ice cream? 

Nope.


84.Which orange came first; the color or the fruit? 
The fruit, dur.

85. Chicken or the egg, really?
Does it matter?

86. Are you in school? If so, for what? 

It is summer, so no I am not.



87. What is your dream job? 
I want to be a writer, at the moment.

88. Have you ever experienced a natural disaster? 
Er, don't think so.

89. Do you feel bad when bad things happen to other people? Or do you not care? If you don't, do you feel guilty about that?
Yes, I do. I don't feel guilty though.

90. Aren't you a little nervous about posting photos online? 

Not really. I could kick someones butt if I needed to. (Don't even try to stalk me, dumbass.)

91. Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? 
Don't know if it is considered an "illness".. but probably.

92. Have you ever stolen something? 
Yep.

93. What was the reason you washed your hands last? 
I peed.

94. What are you afraid of? 

Getting hurt again, or of people leaving me.

95. Is there something you should be doing?

Probably. Do I care? Not at all.